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Conference Romance [ The Happy Hour Archive | obereed.net ] Happy Hour, Friday 4pm, Charley's Top Ten + N Pick-up Lines to be used at a Scientific meeting (especially psychonomics or cognitive science) An article ran in the friday, Jan 16, 1998 edition of the Michigan Daily summarizing the results of a sex survey. Turns out that people with college educations and graduate degrees have less sex than anyone else. At happy hour, the graduate students agreed with the article, and stated that the only people they could date were other geeky grad students, and that meant they were fishing in a pretty small pond. So I said, what about flirting at scientific meetings? This was met with gales of laughter. Thad Polk guffawed the loudest, "what, flirting at psychonomics? With scientists? You must be mad." So, I've decided to help everyone out by making a top ten + N list of pick-up lines especially designed to be used at Psychonomics or Cognitive Science (but they would work, assuming they work at all, at just about any scientific conference). We'll be holding an impromptu "conference" of our own, Friday at 4pm at Charleys. Your laptop or mine? You have some of the nicest looking curves I've ever seen. We're conducting a job search right now--come to my room tonight around 11 if you'd like to apply.... I'm looking for volunteers for my latest study on human sexuality. You look like you have all the qualifications to participate. After looking carefully at a single-authored poster (wide-eyed and breathlessly) say: "So are you really as good as those numbers suggest?" After quickly skimming a co-authored poster (dismissively), say: "Well, those effects are well and fine, but if you were with me, baby, we'd make some 2-way interactions you never dreamed of..... I'm mesmerized by your methods ***possible retort: Baby, you ain't got the equipment to handle MY methods..."*** I've never had a triple interaction like that before! Hey, I just got the new e-prime software--Wanna go back to my lab and try out a few illicit, oops, I mean implicit memory tasks? What's a nice-looking person like you doing with data like this? (Oh, Pardon me, date like these) I'm looking for a significant relationship (nudge nudge, wink wink) ***possible retort: "yeah, well I've seen your data.....there ain't no way you'll be able to turn them into a significant relationship...." Just think up any question that you might reasonably ask a poster presenter, and append "in bed" to your question. e.g. how do you counterbalance all of those conditions in bed? or Have you thought of using degraded stimuli in bed? Wow! That's the smallest p-value I've ever seen. ***possible retort: (with a surreptitious glance down)--Yeah, well I prefer mine large.... |